WOW this was really interesting. I’d be very curious about where you heard this.

I can definitely see this happening. When I was much much younger, all the way back to kindergarten, I remember that I liked this girl and was trying to play with her, but a guy named William smooched her on the cheek right in front of me! Well that sealed it for me, and I didn’t get my first kiss until I was 19. Looking back now I can probably trace it to that very moment. I know there were others too and it just built up over time. I will try practicing breathing and awareness over the next week, and will email you with my thoughts. Thanks Christian.

cool but you didnt say how to approach! how can I get over my fear when I dont know how to do it?!

Hey Christian,

Thanks for this, it’s funny that you say this because my hands start shaking and sweat comes ups whenever I try to push myself to talk to a girl. It explains a lot of my “failures” so to speak, and why my body associates that with those feelings. I’m really interested in learning more about how to break the association with these bad emotions.

Hassan

I definitely remember hearing about something like this somewhere, but this is a good breakdown as to how it applies to approach anxiety. And your tip about pushing yourself reminds me of what Deida says about leaning into your fear. Thanks for the great advice.

my problem is that when I’m talking to an average girl like a 5, or a 6, none of that feeling that you’re describing comes up. but when i’m talking to like a 9 or 10 it feels like I can’t move. can you explain the mechanism for why that happens?

Thanks dude this was nice.

what should we do if we can’t remember what event it was that triggered our approach anxiety

this wuz good i kno that when i am talkin to a girl it goes just fine but i defo get that nervous energy on the approach who woulda thunk deep breathin could help will def try when i’m out this wknd

hahaha the “original sin” of approach anxiety. frickin genius Christian… how exactly should I go about approaching? I want to know more about the how-to?

My approaching game is awful. I’ve even tried David Deangelo’s Approaching Women Course and I did get something out of the theories but in terms of actual improvement or success, I didn’t get anything. I trust you Christian so I’m really looking forward to what you have to say on this.

This would be helpful IF you told us how to approach. I have been struggling with this for a long time, would like someone to give me an EXAMPLE so I could SEE it. Yes it’s nice to hear you talk on the couch but it could be much better if you SHOWED us.

yo, thanks for this Christian – GREAT stuff as always. my question is, can you give me some more actual stuff to say. what exactly can i say as a handicap for now til I get better?

brilliant!

every time you guys put something out it is useful for me. keep it coming mate.

super sweet video Christian. more info please when u get time, the stuff you talked about – sweaty palms and stuff when approaching is a really really big issue for me right now I need to overcome

I had many bad experiences with women and in general in high school and middle school and I think you’re onto something when you say that they had something to do with the intense fear that I feel right now. I just feel like I’m completely paralyzed when I see a girl I’m attracted to. I’ve read a number of books and gone through several courses so I have plenty of ammo so to speak when it comes to words, but I just can’t break past that fear that literally immobilizes me. The excursive you suggested sounds good but maybe too intense for where I’m at right now. Do you have anything else to “ease” your way in and maybe give a few more specific lines for actually using when approaching in combination with what you suggested?

damn you nailed it… I sweat, get butterflies, ALL that, even when I’m getting ready to go out for a night. Would like to hear more about how you got over this because it’s a showstopper for me.

absolutely amazing as always Christian! you guys are my go to for info like this, and you never fail to disappoint

hey man, this one really relates to my personal situation because i always feel these responses, like the same stuff i feel when I’m walking on a bridge – and I’m afraid of heights!!! i mean part of me thinks it’s a natural feeling like you said but the other part of me just wants it to go away. i want to know more about how to approach and not give off a weird vibe.

THANKS for this Christian.

When I go out to a bar, street, coffee shop, party, or any other place that approaching girls is an option, it seems like there is an invisible barrier between me and the girls that I just can’t cross no matter what. I have the same reactions you talked about and it SUCKS. How should I approach girls differently in all of these situations?

dude this is enlightening. it explains a lot of the why, i’m interested in the how now haha.

i appreciate you.

This is interesting. Like a lot of guys I think I do ok once I’m talking to a girl, but I struggle when I’m standing there and I see her across the room. This will definitely help, but if you’ve got any tips about how to get her attention that would be great.

Haha! It’s crazy how guy’s sweat when they see a girl they like. I guess that I don’t experience this like most do. I’ve trained myself to stay calm and cool for my job where I’m always faced with situations that cause anxiety.

- Daniel Moravec

I don’t have problems with approach as much as
worries that I will be interrupting or annoying her.
It is easy for me to approach someone that looks
bored but much harder for me to interrupt someone
that looks busy or is talking to someone else.
Any advice on this? How can you approach without
being insensitive.

Wow. As you were talking about it, minute by minute, it was like a great heavy blanket being lifted off of me. I have struggled with approach anxiety for so long, and nothing seems to get to the root of the problem, but this was like a big eureka!

I can’t say that it’s going to eliminate my fear. I am going to try some awareness exercises this weekend, will see how it goes. But it’s a ray of light and a step in the right direction. Thanks Christian.

This is very good stuff! A lot of this information was brought up in the psychology class I am taking right now, and you did a very good job at connecting that information to approach anxiety. I can tell you put a lot of research into this, and I will definitely work on the awareness of my cognitive interpretation. Thank you!!

Sort of helpful. Where do I find the Say Hello video ?

Hi Christian I enjoyed your video. Very informative. I actually approached 7 girls last saturday it increased to 10 babes eventually. But man did I feel real confident. It felt great. I didn’t get any numbers but it gave me confidence to try my next approach. I liked your analysis in relation to cognitive awareness. Before I’d see a hot babe and I’d be kicking myself I didn’t approach her. I think negative thoughts can play a part in approach anxiety too. Awareness of oneself is essential.

Keep up the good work Christian.

All the best
Brian J

I think it would be more useful to suggest ways of switching between nervous systems, since you mention them. One way I would practice is to focus on a spot on a blank wall, bring your palms together in front of your face and slowly bring them apart. Practice focusing on that spot and your hands as far apart, using your peripheral vision as you can. You will find that your breathing slows, and when it does, thats the state you want when approaching. With practice, you can stop putting your hands in front of your face, so you look less of a nutter.
HTH

Love the edgy opener line that you introduced in the last part of the video! It’s those moments when we’re thrown into the deep end in which we grow the most.

Hey, Christian, I appreciate your thoughts on approach anxiety in your above video. you got some good ideas in how to face and overcome our fear in approaching women. Approach anxiety, I believe is the number one thing that prevents allot of guys from approaching the woman they are genuinely attracted to. I have come to learn six specific things from approaching women. (1.) It gives me a great opportunity to both face my fear and eventually overcome it, (2.) It is a great indicator to the measure of my attraction to a woman, (3.) It keeps me real in my initial interaction with the woman I am attracted to, (4.) It is a great opportunity to learn from my mistakes, (5.) It teaches me allot about myself and the women I approach. (6.) Finally, It builds my confidence in my approaching women. Thanks man!

…cool stuff…and useful. I’m gonna think about it for a while. The ultimate thing that gets rid of A-A with me is COMPETITION. I am like Seabiscuit–when I see a horse running next to me–that’s it. Even if it’s the Prince of Monaco. I go into hyper ‘meet-the-girl’ mode. I cannot stand to watch PUA videos–why?? Because when I see them–I say, “I can do that–even better”…give me the No. 1 PUA in the world–and a blonde at the end of the bar…and see who wins…)))………but if there is no competition–then things kind of wilt…

There is no sound.

Hahah, this is awesome. I have a journal entry from waay back in the day called “Ashley Smith ruined my game” which basically was me carrying out this thought process in my head. I’ve since improved things drastically, but I never thought about ratcheting up the difficulty. I’m gonna try that line in there and come up with some other good ones and see where they take me.
Thanks!

Eric,
You DO know how to do approach, everybody does. You don’t need to know all the fancy “strategies” etc.:) Just do it. Say hello. That’s it.

What You are doing now is looking for more and more new information instead of pushing beyond your own boundaries. Trust me, I was there.

Hey this is great. It comes at a perfect time too because there’s this one girl that I’m trying to woo and this has really been holding me back. Hope it’s not too late. Thanks again Christian.

love this! i’ve explored this before but you do a great job of capturing it and speaking it in a way guys will be able to use. we cannot ignore our consciousness while engaging girls. we have to learn to observe our minds and bodies. it’s all rather ‘eckhart tolle’ really hahaha.
this kicks ass. thanks Christian!

Hey christian thank you so much brother for not only helping me with women but also showing me how to be a better person, i say that because once a man who has the confidence to meet women you are able to translate that success amongest other people, and most importantly your happier. I been reading your material and nicks for couple of months now. And i improve everyday. Love the threesome opener, i will try that and let you now how it worked for me. Thanks in advance for changing my life. Whats up Nick…….

Thanks a lot!!!

I love your presentation of this information, and having us men become… well, better men. Your way of teaching is a lot more inspiring and thoughtful, not like many PUA’s. Keep up the good work. I will definitely purchase your material in the future.

I remember my experiences with girls from a very young age, and if I were to go by that, I would say that I’m afraid of success. And that’s actually consistent with my current experiences. I always turned down encounters with girls when I was young, whether it was a kiss, or a date, I was afraid of being with a girl. This is helpful but I’m anxious to see what the next video says because I have trouble talking to any girl, even without expectations, pretty or ugly.

Great video. I suffer from approach anxiety quite a bit. But it changes depending on the situation. This has helped me understand it a bit better. I don’t know I want to get over it totally because I do enjoy the rush but I don’t want it to interfere with having a good conversation with a woman.

Thanks!

This all sounds like decent advice but it might be a little more difficult for me. Yes, I suffer from a tremendous amount of approach anxiety and you are also correct about tracing it back to past failures that might have happened in my life before. However, it also has a lot to do with having a disability and being hearing impaired. How do you suggest to approach a girl when you not only suffer from approach anxiety but can’t hear the conversation well? I could hear the questions differently and I’m too focused on the tones of their voice that if it sounds differently, I might take their interpretation the wrong way.

Not only that, how can you expect a hearing impaired gentleman to succeed in the world where everyone just wants to drink and party in large crowds of people, or even just sitting one-on-one with a girl in a crowded restaurant? Get-togethers have become an issue because of this and I shut down almost immediately if I know my hearing will prevent me from enjoying myself. For example, can’t go to the movies because most theaters don’t have closed captioning for them or a girl (if that ever happens) wants to go to a play, I won’t go because I can’t hear what’s being said and I’ll most likely not be able to follow this and be bored if I do go. I even decline to go camping because 1) you can’t get the hearing aids wet (that means no beaches, pools, or water sports) and 2) it’s hard to follow a conversation with a large number of people talking at the same time, in the dark around a campfire when I’m trying to read their lips.

It’s been incredibly stressful for me and if you could find yourself to help me at all, I could absolutely use it.

Good stuff thanks for the genuine info. Approach anxiety is horrible for me, I think mainly because I don’t want to get embarrassed. I worry Ill say something stupid or run out of things to say or maybe my hands will start shaking. These are ridiculous things when you write them down but when faced with them in real life it can really get in the way of getting what you really want.

things Im trying to do:

Not worry about an outcome
Have fun and keep it light and fluffy
play scenarios of good outcomes in my head

Years ago I used to have a TREMENDOUS fear of talking to attractive women (I could barely even speak around them regardless of the circumstances,) and moderate anxiety of having normal conversations with regular people. As Christian mentions in the video, I’m certain it all started in childhood. This is what I did to get over it, and it worked quite well: I got a part-time job working as a barista in an independently-owned (not chain) coffee shop. I held this job for four years, and I recommend an independent shop because you are free to be yourself, wear what you want, and chat instead of being a corporate drone kiss-ass like the workers at Starbucks etc. What I found was that by virtue of just being the guy behind the counter, I became a mini-celebrity and people, ALL TYPES of people, wanted to chat with me and get to know me, much more than I ever anticipated. This applied mostly to regulars but also to random people who wandered in. At first it was difficult to talk with strangers, and especially the beautiful women, but soon it became easier and easier. Here’s why this worked for me: I couldn’t go anywhere because it was my job to serve them, so I was forced to have these interactions. They would make small talk while I was making their drink and I would have to reply or look like an ass. Soon I could start conversations. Eventually I learned that beautiful women never had a problem talking with me, and many of them enjoyed it and looked forward to seeing my face there. Eventually I became confident enough to start dating some of the customers. This was a process that took awhile (I was a tough case) but it was very effective, basically it was a conditioning process– conditioning me that it’s normal, OK, and expected, to be social. Once I was totally comfortable talking with beautiful women on a regular basis, the women on the street or wherever just weren’t so scary anymore. This idea could also work as being a bartender, but personally I recommend coffee shop because you will get a wider variety of women coming in, including those that don’t go to bars, the atmosphere is often more relaxed, and you don’t have to deal with drunks and other bar problems. Give it a try if it sounds like it might work for you.

Yeah… The description is spot on. But, I need a lot more than just a short video and some advice. I need a freakin’ therapist. lol

Great video I’ve definitely experienced this before but i’ve be able to overcome it a couple times by doing many things you send in the video. In the end approach anxiety for me is just me blowing me fears way out of proportion.

Good breakdown.
Answer is = push through, which gives you a success and eventually break the cycle, cool.
You have to get past “not getting this girl, or every girl” mentality and accepting that the goal was to have a good approach and not getting every girl to a date.

Your analyse is sweet, but i’m not sure that it’s helps. You can’t overcome approach anxiety with logic, it’s really a confidence problems that can only be overcome with positiv experiences to replace the negative experiences in your believe system. Sometimes it’s just hard to make the first step but you have to, and by the way approache anxiety never dissappears, but you can learn how to handle it!

So if reading books or watching videos doesn’t help, what can you do?
For me it was one night with my friends (good looking guys) and there was this one girl, everyone was talking about. I did make eyecontact a couple of times and then just approach before everyone els. After couple of beers my friends tried theire luck but failed, because they hesitated to long. It was at that moment that it made click in my head and i started really to believe that i’m attractiv and girls like me. That experience change everything, i started approaching more often, never failed an approach (never got shoot down hardly) mostly some nice conversation without results in the end, but from time to time i closed the deal:-).

So approaching is really only about balls and balls is about positive experiences, but it takes time to change your believe system. If like me it makes click at 1 moment you still have to go on and on, to get a change on a deep level. Fuck about skills, approaching has nothing to with skills it’s only about balls, you have to believe – i’m sexy and i know it and beeing succesfully is mostly about looks.

And to all the guys who want to know how to appraoch, i can only say (even if you heard it a 100 times) it’s not important, just do it. It’s not about skills.

hi, it’s raphael here. i found your video very helpful. i suffer from such bad approach anxiety that whenever i see a woman in the street ( i don’t go to clubs or bars as i am 51 years old and a poor artist) i never approach them. thank you for your tips, however i am still unsure of what to say once i approach, have you any ideas? i will be studyng part time at a fine arts college here in australia next year, any tips on what to say to any women i meet in my course? this year gone, i approached one woman at college for a coffee, she said yes, i was very nervous throughout even after she told me she had a boyfriend.help me, thank you, raphael.

This was great insight. For men who crave and devour knowledge of the self, listen to this!

great advice! Please give out more opening liner as mentioned in 8:52

Wow, that was really useful and interesting! And I think not only for approaching women, but other situations too. It reminds me of the feeling I get when I am about to take a test.

Cool stuff, thanks for sharing it!!

Wow! Hey man that was helpful y’all come up with a lot of helpful techniques keep it up…

Well that hit it on the nail for me. Thanks for the tip. I will be trying that tonight , also I have enjoyed all the e mails so far . I am WONDERING WHEN YOU GUYS MIGHT BE SELLING THE SOCIELMAN PROGRAM – 99.00 with the one year guareente ..I hope it soon . I MISSED BY ONE DAY IN ORDERING IT. LET ME KNOW. THANKS AGAIN S.

Liked it! had a very similar exp. today as too what you were talking to about the guys with some skill stood up on stage in front of about 80 women and helped the lady on stage with her stretches she laughed and everyone laughed kinda felt nervous but after i pushed through it i felt like a better man

That sounded good for the most part. I am surprised that there are so many guys like myself out there that have this difficulty. I d have to say I’ ve run from approaching women because of fear of being rejected.. I remember when I was 5 or 6, and got my first kiss.. Then years later she said it never happened.. Asking a girl out, her dumping you for another guy.. And again, and again.. Now, I’m 40 and believing there is a great girl out there.. I’m not looking for trophies, or threesomes or anything other than a companion.. Might sound old fashioned, oh well.. What I think is that some of these tips can help me.
Thanks

Great thought. Thank you!

Definitely an interesting idea that would get a cognitive, behaviorist, and a neo-Freudian psychologist talking for hours. I tend to shy away form Freudian unconscious related activities, especially in this case as it would be very hard to ever prove that we somehow unconsciously conditioned ourselves, but never the less i do see a link between the two.

i’m gonna try this!!! thanks alot dude. my question is though, what about a guy whose approach anxiety is so bad that he cant even think about using these techniques, because the mere thought of approaching a beautiful woman makes him paralyzed and think that hes being forced to commit suicide or something. YES ITS VERY SEVERE LOL!!

THANK YOU CHRISTIAN ! THIS VIDEO AND INFORMATION WAS EYE OPENING!!!

Nice! Best part : “Hey, my girlfriend is out of town and you both look really attractive so I was wondering if you would be down for a threesome.” Thanks a lot, I’m about to use this one in a couple of days …

This video is so awesome

Thanks Christian for explaining this a bit further. As a musician I’ve always felt the stage fright just before performing and even some pro musicians I’ve met have said they still get a little nervous before they take the stage. Ultimately it’s up to YOU. If you really want to get past the ‘stage fright or approach anxiety’ I’ve learned by #1. PRACTICING(KNOWING) YOUR PART and #2. DOING IT. So know who you are, your boundaries, what you do/don’t want and go after it. Accept that you’re not going to get everything perfect but that the more you do it, the better you’ll get at it.

hey bro I’m very confident and I’ve been told I’m good looking I have a decent game and can make girls laugh. I’m basically a closer once i get in and things are moving im golden but I find it to be one of the most difficult part of the game is being in a public place like a club/bar not having a wingman and seeing a beautiful woman and really not knowing how to open the convo up I mean yeah you can come up say one liners and cheesy pickup lines that make them laugh or even just say hey how are you doing but most girls (8-10) (hot ones) want a guy that has a large amount of confidence because even though most guys dont know this girls are really insecure especially the hot ones and they need a guy thats super confident and can walk right up and say something that will let them know that the guy has control and the girl feels more at ease but what are some good mannerisms and lines to open up a conversation with a girl that isn’t so easily impressed with just saying hey whats up? what can you say to really build up and start a smooth consistant conversation to the point where you both are feeling comfortable? thanks bro keep up the good work very interesting

Christian, Great Info. I can always tell my attraction to a girl by my ability to have a conversation with her. If its going great it means I’m not that attracted to her. I realized this a long time ago but never figured out the connection until lately. Unfortunetly the ones I like get me really messed up and I find it hard to control my facial expressions which I am really consious of and tends to screw me up royaly. Thanks for the help.

This information was really an eye-opener……and really shows what “mind over matter” attitude can achieve.
Thanks

Cheers Christian, it’s amazing just to recall the fact that this experience is what puts a guy in the spotlight. It takes such a long time to realise that this thing is universal and that experiencing it doesn’t mean anything is broken or going wrong. Even when I feel I’m getting in the groove with women and I start to plan ahead a little, this feeling has caught me by surprise at times and I’ve let it shock me into silence. So when I’d catch myself in the act I started to force myself to give even just a quick compliment of something she was wearing, and the smile that comes back in response most times goes a long way!

Great stuff Christian, this helps alot, I love it when we start to take the mystery out of this stuff!

A very unique concept. I always thought of it as a fight/challenge between the conscience and unconconscious mind. Never thought about the nervous system playing in.

haha love your threesome opener XD

I always thought I was the only one who thought like that, video was helpful.

Wow that’s great! I don’t really have nerves or get butterflies or anything like that anymore but I still occationally and I will definitely remember this when I do haha! Thanks!

Hi, Christian, I’m here from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, and would like to thank you for make me realize that I’m a perfect normal guy and not a E.T. or something like that, because I’ve been trough all this symptoms you told us about in this video when I aproached a girl last week, and I felt all that stuff like dry mouth, hands shaking, it was really frightening, but at least I didn’t say anything stupid. Now I know that this is a natural reaction from our body to a stressful situation, and the simple fact of knowing that surely will make me more confident and capable of fighting this reactions next time I’ll be with her. She’s so beautiful, I don’t stop thinking about her, I think I’m in love and that’s a good thing to feel inside. Thank you again, and God bless guys like you, Bobby Rio, Vin DiCarlo, Brian Burke and so on, who made for all of us such a difference in our lives.

HEY BUDDY , THAT WAS A GREAT PIECE OF ADVICE. I FEEL MORE CONFIDENT NOW , GOING TO TRY OUT 2 NITE. THNX

hey chris , howz your week been good i imagine good work on the vid only 12′s make me stumble now

Yet another way to understand ourselves. Thanks Christian!